Beware: 7 Phrases That Drive Professional Cartoonists Criminally Insane

Never ever under any circumstances say any of the following phrases to a professional cartoonist:

1) Can you look at my work and tell me what you think?

I could, but it doesn't really mean anything. Send your cartoons to an editor. If they hand you a check ya done good.

2) We pay on publication.

Super. And I'll pay for your magazine when I'm done reading it.

3) I saw this cartoon once. Can you help me find it?

Yes, because I know all and see all!

Honestly, if Google can't help you, what makes you think I could.

4) Ha-ha! You should do a cartoon about that!

No. I shouldn't. Because that's crap.

5) Hi, you don't know me, but could you tell me who's buying at (insert cartoon market here) and how much they pay?

Sure! And here's my address book, my taxes for the last ten years, and where I buried me treasure! Yar!

6) I have an idea for a great cartoon for you.

Trust me, you don't. Please stop right there.

7) We have well over a hundred readers. This would be great exposure for you.

When I'm in Reader's Digest I'm read by millions and I get a nice fat check. I think I'll stick with that.